note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
