Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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