But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
one might say we're banned from that church
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
