good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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