Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
