Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
