No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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