Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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