Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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