she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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