Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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