Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
