u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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