Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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