3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
