I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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