Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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