dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i now understand why vodka
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
