I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
