you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize