i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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