I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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