I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
