why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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