My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
