the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize