I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
