If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
