I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
