so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
