Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
