There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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