and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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