My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
