Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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