I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've blown a few things in my day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
