He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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