Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
