Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
