i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
