I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
