Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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