the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
