Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
