woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
