yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
