My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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