i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
