mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
