My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
