Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Welp...herpes.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize