so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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