I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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