My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
