when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
