And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
