Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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