they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
