May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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