Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
