the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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