I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Me too!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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