I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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