She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
