god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
