i think my mom watched the whole time
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
