Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
