I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize
