Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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