its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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