just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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