East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize