i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
